Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
