i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
