did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
