We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
