I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
