I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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