It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
