end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
