Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
