Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
