I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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