I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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