We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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