I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
