You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
