Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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