I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
