I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
