everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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