I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
