I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
