I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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