I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
