His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
