evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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