I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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