.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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