Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
