franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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