he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
