$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
