There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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