my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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