Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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