And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
