I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
