I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
