508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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