living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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