You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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