I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
