Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
