We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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