i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well you can't waste a boner
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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