Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
