the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
