My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
