I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
