I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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