Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I need moral support for this bender
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
