he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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