Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
