You're completely useless in the revolution.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think my fart just growled at me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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