i already hear my dad disowning me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
